1) Parker Ranch - what a joke. You have to pay $6 to see some silly museum in a shopping mall in Waimea, $15 for a 45 minute "tour" of the ranch (you don't see much) and of course you can only see the ranch through their tour. Ripoff alert!

2) Hawaiian Holiday Macademia Nut Factory. This is near the town of Honoka'a near Waipio valley at the northern part of the island. I think AAA needs to update their maps for the following reasons:

- The factory shut down 8 years ago, yet it's shown on a map in AAA's 2004 Hawaii Tourbook guide!

- It was converted into an exhibition place for artists, crappy Kona blend coffee and other junk you don't need

- There are NO SIGNS indicating where this place even is. I ran into it by dumb luck by driving down a side street.

3) Captain Cook Monument - This might be nice from a historical perspective, but you have to take a very nasty 4WD road just to get anywhere near it. Not worth the trip.

4) Kamuela Museum - Apparently they weren't open, or if they were it didn't look that way. I buzzed by there a couple of times and didn't notice any signs stating hours of operation or any other road signs. Weird - I passed on that one.

5) Punaluu Black Sand Beach Park - This place is known for viewing sea turtles. It wasn't not worth the drive, especially when there were plenty of sea turtles on the Kona coast as it was. No, I didn't go there.

6) Puna section of Hawaii - This is on the eastern region, northeast of Hawaii Volcanoes National Park. I was talking with a guide at a Kona coffee plantation and she said that it's a high crime area where "people tend to disappear". Definitely a pass on this part.

7) Kings Shops - A series of high-end stores peddling high priced crap located at some high-end resort catering to people with more money than brains

Best place for getting food - Costco. No kidding - it's located in north Kona a couple of miles from the airport. The prices are right, and also has the cheapest gas on the island - $2.30 a gallon when we were there. The Safeway in downtown Kona wasn't too bad, either. You can eat like a king without spending $100 a day going out to overpriced restaurants with crappy food.

Best snorkeling - Hapuna Beach State Park. Nice area, lots of room, excellent view of Maui. There were a bunch of rocks just off the shore where you can swim with fish and the sea turtles. Easy to get in and out of the water, too. Just get there in the early morning before the crowds come.

Worst snorkeling - Kahalu'u Beach. Getting into the water was a real pain. Nothing like tripping and falling over rocks just to get out in deeper water. It's so shallow that it was easier to just get horizontal and swim out. Then you had to swim 1/4 mile to get to any deep water. There's a lot of colorful fish and sea turtles here - more than Hapuna Beach, so it sort of made up for it. If I had to do it again, I'd get a kayak.

Best hiking trail - The Kilauea Iki trail in Hawaii Volcanoes National Park. Just beautiful. You're walking through a rain forest and then you're suddenly at the lava lake.

Worst looking Hawaiian clothing - Any of the matching "his and hers" outfits prominently displayed at Hilo Hatties stores, aka "Tourist Trap Central". Talk about advertising "we're tourists!" to the entire world.

Best local dessert - Mac Pie Factory in Kona. They make different flavors of macademia nut pies. Yummy! It's located behind a Chevron station on Hwy 19 between mile markers 97 and 98. Worth a stop.

Best pizza - Kona Brewing Company. They have a delicious porter, too.

Best waterfall - Akaka Falls. Worth the trip.

Southernmost winery in the US - Volcano Winery, located 3 miles west of Hawaii Volcanoes National Park. Yes, there's actually a winery here! I personally recommend their Macadamia Nut Honey Wine and Hawaiian Guava Wine.

Here are my suggestions:

1) Take in the national parks on the island. They're very beautiful, have lots of history and generally not crowded. A couple of them even have free admission. Here are some links for more information:

Pu`uhonua o Honaunau

Pu`ukohola Heiau

Kaloko-Honokohau (Excellent snorkeling!)

2) Rent a condo or hotel that has a kitchen so you can cook your own food. I estimated about $100 a day for food if you just eat out. That gets expensive very quickly.

3) Don't bother taking much in the way of clothing. You're only going to weat t-shirts, shorts and sandals. You might want to bring a light jacket for any rain.

4) Bring an empty bag along - you'll need it for all of the macademia nuts, chocolate covered macademia nuts, Kona coffee, wine, Hawaiian shirts, and any other items you buy there. I only filled half of one bag, and placed it inside another empty bag. Worked perfectly, especially when dragging 12 bottles of wine and a ton of coffee back home.

5) If you're going to see Kilauea, give yourself 2 or even 3 days. Also, get there early in the day, before the rest of the large tourist busses start taking over the place. I had to fight and elbow my way through the visitor center because of the crowds, so I didn't spend much time there. Don't even attempt to race through the park in 1 day unless you want to be exhausted. You're better off staying in Hilo or in the nearby village of Volcano. Otherwise, you're looking at a 2 hour drive (one way) from Kona, which gets old very quickly.

6) If you want to see how macademia nuts are grown and processed, definitely check out the Mauna Loa Macademia Nut Factory, located 5 miles south of Hilo.

7) Bring your Costco card. The only store is in Kona, and is the best place to buy food, gas and other supplies.

8) Buy any macademia nuts at Costco, where they're cheaper.

9) Bring some music to listen or something to read on the flight. It's a 5 hour flight from Oakland/San Francisco.

10) Leave your attitude back at home. It won't get you far in Hawaii. The locals won't put up with it.

11) Give yourself 3 to 4 days to check out the Kona coast, so you're not feeling rushed. It's worth the extra time.

12) Take in a relaxing therapeutic massage. I had a couple while over there, definitely worth the price.